I really enjoyed this piece by Baldwin. He paints a pretty vivid picture of his dysfunctional relationship with his father growing up. Seemingly, he tried to avoid his father at all costs, viewing him more as an angry, cantankerous man than a parental figure. As he states, "I had not known my father very well" and then later on remarks, "He was, I think, very handsome." This second line really struck me. I find it interesting that the speaker avoided his father so much that even after knowing him for nineteen years, he can't quite recall what his dad looked like in person.
I feel much of the resentment that Baldwin had towards his father growing up came from not being able to understand his father's point of view. However, once Baldwin goes to New Jersey and experiences the horrors of racism more directly than he has before, he gets a taste of perhaps what life was like for his father growing up. Amidst the race riots, Baldwin comes home to bury his dad but has a new perspective of his father. I feel this essay reflects a confused Baldwin who wants to continue to hate his father but yet can't quite now. He almost feels remorse for not relating better with his father while he was alive but now it's too late.
I agree with your point that Baldwin was very confused at a point in time. I believe that the end of his confusion however also ended his hatred or want to hate, his father because, after understanding his father more through his internal reflection, he realized that he wanted to have a better relationship with him.
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